I scream inside for relief
relief from all my days
a relief I had once but have slipped away
now I just contemplate
paralyzed with so much hate
I only feel what you’ve made
I only feel what you caused to decay
something in me just wants to submit
but the thought of you won’t allow it
in the tangled cycles
I see no reason to resist
but you,the thought of you won’t allow it

                Endings,they come too often to the things we love.Your saddened by the photographs of extinct beauty.You just quietly look at them.Then you notice that your tears only magnify what was lost.Then you drown in a cold sea of mournful thoughts.You hear yourself say “could have” a hundred times.Tired, you lie down motionless and hope your next sleep gives you pleasant dreams.You try to keep calm but something is keeping you restless.Something is just there pounding on you.It seems familiar.You recall feeling it before.Its the stab of betrayal.You convulse as you feel the throbbing pain.Then you get tired and just stare at the ceiling.You observe the cracks,the chipped paint and the decaying wood.You suddenly hear laughter as you close your eyes in an attempt to forget.But it’s them.You know its them from miles and miles away.

This is all for you
I wish you would see

oh how I love you
I wish you’d be free

This is my heart
I preserved it for you
I didn’t use it till I met you
I made it this big for you

It’s so red for you
but your favorite color is blue

I’m at the climax of my laughter’s bruise
and they tell me to wisely choose
I’m only worried that I might lose
the vague connection I have with you

This is the guy who went in my house through the chimney.

      Christmas is over. The day when the streets and every building down town are sprinkled with lights, families visit each other and share gifts, little kids jump at the sight of their new toys, and when the miles between loved ones disappear, is over.

X mas

       I smile down here. I slowly die, but I won’t fade away. I’ll stay in the brink of decay. I Hope this holiday I can skate around here with my alternatives of Happiness. They’ll have to do, even though they aren’t even near to what I call them.

      Down here the cold winds will rock you to sleep. The heartaches will get you up every morning. Your thoughts are your only refuge. You’ll drag yourself chained to the bitter taste of abandonment. You’ll be stuck in aphelion.

      It’s been years since I saw a single scab. None of my wounds seem to heal. It’s hard to get over this because I’ve already hit what’s beneath the bottom. Although I felt free once, but I soon found out that the place just got bigger.Those around me can paint a smile on me in times like these. For a moment I forget I’m alone and I can grow a garden of illusions to last a day or two. In those days I’ll see the clock tick at it’s fastest. In those days I’ll run as fast as I can even though I know that I have lost this race a thousand times.

      With all that there is one thing I haven’t lost. There’s one thing that has survived their paths to despair. There is one thing that remained in me; the thought of getting out of here one day. But until that day I will have to accept their lies, because down here warm lies will have to do.